Rage Against the Answer Machine

Rage Against the Answer Machine on Radio 1 with Greg James

Rage Against the Answer Machine on Radio 1 with Greg James

Listening to BBC Radio 1’s Rage Against the Answer Machine every Thursday just makes me giggle on the way home from work. It’s about a half hour drive so I get most of it which makes a nice change – usually I join half-way through some segment and feel like I’ve missed out and start flicking through the stations. The way it works is really simple, there’s a phone number, call it and rage away! Then they play a selection, like Angry Indicator man “That stick on the side of the steering wheel is the indicator!!! If you do not use it – I do not know what you are doing!!!” Not quite having the confidence to call it myself, here is a short list of my rages from the past week or so :

Google seems to think this is do-able in 45 minutes

Google seems to think this is do-able in 45 minutes – in rush hour

1. You might have a massive Audi, or a BMW but you still need to be in the right lane on the island*, that is why I am pipping you, you dumbass-cutting-in-front-of-me-from-the-right-hand-lane-to-go-down-the-Small-Heath-Bypass! The middle lane is for straight on, you are in the lane to go right.

2. Solicitors, why aren’t you open just Saturday morning, or just one late night? Most people work Monday to Friday 9-5, including you, so don’t be so surprised when we ask for an appointment, in Walsall, on a Saturday morning. Walsall! The flat we’re buying is just half a mile from where we live now and we have to go to sodding Walsall. What would you do, faced with an hour drive over there, for your latest appointment that’s still half an hour earlier than you finish work? I hate having time off for things like that, doctors and other appointments that aren’t necessary, why can’t they at least have a late night, just til 18h30, that’s all it would take. Please?

How do you fail to see that this is First Class?

How do you fail to see that this is First Class?

3. Your ticket says Standard Class, you’re quite obviously sitting in First Class despite all the signs stating where you are (including that one at eye-level on the door you opened to get here, and the one that’s actually printed on the seat you are sitting in). Then you act all innocent to the ticket inspector like you cannot actually use your chuffing eyes. People pay full price for a nice quiet First Class seat and you are ruining it with your stupid pumping music and long phone call about what you’re doing tonight with Gaz and Jonesey.

4. Shut up Shut up Shut up!! Heavy loud music on a Sunday night coming from big-marquee-in-garden-over-there. I can still hear you with all windows shut!

I think that’s it, I must be feeling quite chilled out at the moment. A lovely French, Spanish, Portuguese and Mexican juevebes** and dinner yesterday and winding down to the weekend must be taking effect.

What trivial things have pissed you off this week? Would you broadcast it on the radio?

* For all the non-Brummies – this is a roundabout. ** And for all the non-Spanish-speakers – this is a mix of the Spanish words for Thursday and Drink, ie., Cheeky Thursday Drinkie.

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