So normally I would write a little about how great or terrible the Super Bowl was. However last night this was all I really got, Vernon Kay (dickhead), Man vs Food guy, ex-Blue Peter presenter. Channel 4 coverage began straight after Dragon’s Den on BBC2, and I was falling asleep during that last Dragaon’s Den pitch. I understand the Patriots won – despite them being bastards, I’d much rather them than Richard Sherman after he slaughtered the Bronco’s last year.
02 February 2014
Dear God, You and I have our issues, I know that in most other circumstances I would swear point-blank that you don’t exist. You’ve dealt me some pretty rough cards in life, but here I am talking to you again. It’s nothing life-threatening, nothing to do with health or finance or anything serious like that. It’s sport.
Please, please, give Peyton Manning and the Broncos the biggest come-back in Super Bowl history. Please, when I wake up, please let the Broncos have won. Thank you, Katherine
Less than 15 seconds in and the Broncos mess it up. Some dickhead threw the ball before they were ready and the Seahawks get the Safety*. And it set the tone for the whole game. The final score I found out this morning was 43-8, we got some points at least. The Seahawks are dirty though, they are young and bold and confident. But the amount of punching and shouting and… they’re just nasty.
* Something to do with the defence catching the ball in the endzone.
You’ve got to put everything in a clear plastic bag. Ta da! The NFL have banned rucksacks and handbags from the stadium. My previous blogpost (reposted from Coach Misti) argues that this is a woman-hating initiative, however I’m going to try and sit on the fence because I do mostly agree with her on this one.
Now my old company was a plastic bag manufacturer so I didn’t mind because everything was plastic bags anyway. I was using pink French plastic bags in the bin in the bathroom and big woven ones to throw all my clothes in when I moved house those four times. For the last six years plastic bags were great! Now I’m not there anymore maybe my real feelings can come out.
Anyway, men sometimes have it so lucky – I remember going to clubs when I was at uni and stressing about what bag to take, is it big enough, does it go with what I’m wearing, will it get yonked off my shoulder by some mad student thief? Then what else do I need to take, little money holder or big jabba normal everyday purse with all my cards in, do I need an umbrella, is it strong enough to hold my jacket if there’s dancing but I don’t want to pay for the cloakroom? While the boys in our block just shoved their phone, keys and wallet in their pocket and they’re good to go.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t leave the house with a suitcase but I like to be prepared.
- Example 1 is Ryanair or any other airline, I think this is actually a good idea from a practical sense as well as the terrorist angle. Even on the 12 hour flight to Mexico I take my mascara, eye liner and blemish stick with me on the plane so I can whip it out quickly when I get off and redo my eyeliner before meeting my Daniel who I haven’t seen for a week.
- Example 2 is the Olympic Games in London, I guess again for terrorist reasons. We get off the train in Coventry, hearded onto a bus, we’ve got our regulation sized Mexican flag and made sure we only bought our visa cards. Then we get to the stadium and you all crowd round a little table and have to empty everything out, we had our bag out, pockets, contents of our wallet and purse, loose in a clear plastic binbag, sealed with a special tape, until we passed security. Why, why why? Just so annoying that you have to empty everything out just to put it back in again ten meters down the path.
- Example 3 is now the Dallas Cowboys – Not just the Cowboys, but the whole NFL. I just think that for a family atmosphere it’s totally unreasonable and completely impractical.
I do come from the generation that smuggled vodka and coke into music festival arenas by just pouring it in the coke bottle and pretending it’s coke all along, and maybe I popped a spliff in my bra – it wasn’t for me but it was a convenient hiding place. Everywhere you go your bag is checked, museums, gigs, airports. There’s got to be a limit somewhere hasn’t there? Ok it’s only £6.50, but you are a four-person family going to watch the game and suddenly you can only use a plastic bag to put four sets of sandwiches, four sun-hats, four jackets, a tablet or two to follow other games on the internet, four bottles of coke, four items of supporter-wear (I’m thinking foam-finger, flag) and whatever tat you buy from the souvenir shop? And more often that not it’s going to be the woman that has to carry it, so all that let alone all the other crap women have in their bags.
Purse, house key, car key, clicker for carpark gate, security card for work, phone, hairband, suncream, bonjela, pen, chapstick, fan, details for my student loan in order to call them, shopping vouchers, weight watchers membership card, compact mirror, lipgloss, small purse for that time of the month, umbrella = 19 items, 20 including the receipt I threw away before taking the picture. Come on Football, remember your women!
So this is how it all pulled together, I can’t believe it was four weeks ago now. I’m still practising with my hair, found another couple that look easy. Anyway, this is the premise for a quick look at the weird and wonderful hairstyles of the National Football League.
5. Long Hair. About a year ago it started to get quite popular to follow the likes of Argentina with long hairstyles. The first thing I will say is just imagine the sweat. The dreads maybe not so much, but that Green Bay Packer there, it looks matted already. However, as most of an American Football match consists of standing around rather than running, maybe it’s not too bad but I’m sure that helmet doesn’t help.
4. Ginger. I think in the US it’s not such a curse to have ginger hair. So I just had to point out this guy, Andy Dalton, Cosmo says hot, I would say not.
3. Rainbow. You get massive hats, vuvuzelas, and curly wigs in all sorts of colours at the European football, mainly in the UK, and maybe the not-so-.great footballing nations like Switzerland. Ok, so I have in the past been known to dye my own hair, pink, purple, white blonde – for music festivals – in Germany. I’ve also been known to paint a Mexican flag on my face to support them at the Olympics last year :
But this Sea Hawks fan I guess doesn’t have a day-job, or a wife, or a mirror…
2. The Rookie Mistake. Oh Tim Tebow, this is brilliant / horrendous. Firstly, I hate any form of hazing, no matter how light-hearted or traditional or whatever. I hear it’s used for fraternity houses in the US, and Oxford University have had some bad press about it in the last few years too. So apparently in the NFL, players are kidnapped for where ever they feel safe, and taken to somewhere and had things done to them. This is the Bronco’s excellent example :
1. Antonio Garay. San Diego Chargers, enough said :
Jo Flacco vs Schweinsteiger, Colin Kaepernick vs Lewandowski – who wins in the ultimate competition? Admittedly, I am a tiny bit borrachita writing this post. Which is better?
Baltimore Ravens vs San Francisco 49ers – NFL Superbowl 4th February 2013
Borussia Dortmund vs Bayern Munich – UEFA Champion’s League Final 24th May 2013
Let’s start with the much more reasonable timing, they are playing at Wembley, London – “The Cathedral of Football” according to Daniel. It’s 20h30 here, it’s 20h30 at the match itself. Instantly better, no?
- Saturday night + beer + lie in = great game
- Sunday night + crisps + 6am start = not so great
Let’s also go for the teams, OK so this year not so good it’s an all German final, but teams from all over Europe compete, so come on you can have Barcelona vs Man U, Milan vs Ajax, Porto vs Monaco – they don’t even speak the same language, that’s how lovely and diverse Europe is. What about the Superbowl? Oh, it’s Denver vs Falcons, Ravens vs 49ers, Green Bay Packers vs the stupid Patriots, all Americans… Where’s the competition? As Adrian Chiles just said : “Two great teams, playing great football in a great venue”
What next? Advert breaks! It’s currently half time, and we are at an ad break, we’ve just had 45 minutes of uninterrupted play. No way?! Yes güey, Tsss… Another winner for for Champions League. Do you know what? In a minute they’re going to cut to the studio, talk about the game (I bet it’s Gareth Southgate), then another one ad break and yes – back to the game for another 45 minutes!
The commentators :
- Adrain Chiles – oh my god he’s proper grey now!
- Roy Keane – from Ireland, because he’s had a lot of international experience
- Some Random – we don’t know who he is, he used to be in Match of the Day on BBC
- Gareth Southgate – Ex-Aston Villa defender, famous for missing a penalty against Germany at Euro ’96. Germany, seriously if there’s one team we hate the most it’s Germany (and France)…
Another advert break singing “the Chaaaaaaampiooooooons”. Yes. Some discussion about the new X-Box…
Playing again now, and the diet coke is sobering me up. Daniel doesn’t want to play the Champion’s League Final Drinking Game, despite there being two Hoegaarden in the fridge. We actually saw two Dortmund fans at the train station today, clearly waiting for the train down, because the Chiltern does stop at Wembley. Boooo Angela Merkel. She doesn’t really look that interested there.
It’s Germany, why are they falling over like stupid Ronaldo? And Drogba (even worse)? I bet even Jo Flacco doesn’t even fall over on purpose and the tiniest touch, Superbowl wins this one.
Dortmund 0 – 1 Bayern. Bastards, we want Dortmund to win. They last won in Europe in 1997, Munich won in 2001. Maybe it’s that couple I saw earlier, or that Dortmund play in yellow, or that they are a true community club that love their supporters, I would just rather Dortmund won.
How many names can you laugh at in the Superbowl? Here we have Bender (no explanation necessary), Schweinsteiger (shouted in a proper 1940s German voice), Piszczech (piss check), Mueller (yoghurts) and of course, Subotic – pronounced Sugar Tits.
I’ve changed the layout of my blog, mainly because I was bored of the Broncos theme – I mean, I love the Broncos – woah! But it doesn’t reflect me. This background belongs to an Italian restaurant in Queretaro, Mexico. There’s more than just trying to understand American Football, it’s life and everything that comes with it. I’ll still try and connect my Football posts to my every-day life, but maybe a bit more every-day life will creep in – it is off-season anyway!
And by the way, I’m 30 now!
So, Pat Bowlen, owner of the Broncos has certainly got his head screwed on. I actually found this letter at ieric82‘s blog. Look at this, the owner is saying thank you to the grass-roots supporters. Now this lovely big Thank You might be touching a raw nerve with me for other reasons Pat Bowlen, but I think it’s just what we need more of this this world – appreciation to those who support a cause or a team or a project – on a individual level.