So normally I would write a little about how great or terrible the Super Bowl was. However last night this was all I really got, Vernon Kay (dickhead), Man vs Food guy, ex-Blue Peter presenter. Channel 4 coverage began straight after Dragon’s Den on BBC2, and I was falling asleep during that last Dragaon’s Den pitch. I understand the Patriots won – despite them being bastards, I’d much rather them than Richard Sherman after he slaughtered the Bronco’s last year.
02 February 2014
Dear God, You and I have our issues, I know that in most other circumstances I would swear point-blank that you don’t exist. You’ve dealt me some pretty rough cards in life, but here I am talking to you again. It’s nothing life-threatening, nothing to do with health or finance or anything serious like that. It’s sport.
Please, please, give Peyton Manning and the Broncos the biggest come-back in Super Bowl history. Please, when I wake up, please let the Broncos have won. Thank you, Katherine
Less than 15 seconds in and the Broncos mess it up. Some dickhead threw the ball before they were ready and the Seahawks get the Safety*. And it set the tone for the whole game. The final score I found out this morning was 43-8, we got some points at least. The Seahawks are dirty though, they are young and bold and confident. But the amount of punching and shouting and… they’re just nasty.
* Something to do with the defence catching the ball in the endzone.
Ok, so all I’ve read on this today is ESPN, but look at this ::
They got him! Thought it’s still not clear what for, murder? Watching a murder? Hiding evidence from the Police? He apparently did destroy some evidence, CCTV from his home and other bits and bobs.
And they got rid of him! It was announced on Twitter that the Patriots let Hernandez go. Good job really…
I did read a disturbing statistic though : “Hernandez is one of 28 NFL players arrested since this year’s Super Bowl on Feb. 3, according to a database kept by U-T San Diego.” What on earth is that about? It’s not as though there are lower divisions where nobody knows or cares if the defender of Kidderminster Harriers is arrested for punching someone in a club. How can 28 players get arrested in just 5 months?!
PENALTY!! And it’s 1-1. Phew. “Oh my god the Germans are worse that the Argentinians!” Anyway, another thing I forgot to mention as another win for the Superbowl is the half-time entertainment. Here there is basically nothing, you go and refill your beer, grab a pie and bitch about the opposing team. At the Superbowl you get international superstars performing.
But, I could get a bit political about Americans thinking they’re the best at everything, but no – it’s not about that. It’s about men that go drinking at the local pub and their team got to the final – they came to Großbritannien (not “England”) for a holiday and a football match. There’s something humbling about this game.
Jo Flacco vs Schweinsteiger, Colin Kaepernick vs Lewandowski – who wins in the ultimate competition? Admittedly, I am a tiny bit borrachita writing this post. Which is better?
Baltimore Ravens vs San Francisco 49ers – NFL Superbowl 4th February 2013
Borussia Dortmund vs Bayern Munich – UEFA Champion’s League Final 24th May 2013
Let’s start with the much more reasonable timing, they are playing at Wembley, London – “The Cathedral of Football” according to Daniel. It’s 20h30 here, it’s 20h30 at the match itself. Instantly better, no?
- Saturday night + beer + lie in = great game
- Sunday night + crisps + 6am start = not so great
Let’s also go for the teams, OK so this year not so good it’s an all German final, but teams from all over Europe compete, so come on you can have Barcelona vs Man U, Milan vs Ajax, Porto vs Monaco – they don’t even speak the same language, that’s how lovely and diverse Europe is. What about the Superbowl? Oh, it’s Denver vs Falcons, Ravens vs 49ers, Green Bay Packers vs the stupid Patriots, all Americans… Where’s the competition? As Adrian Chiles just said : “Two great teams, playing great football in a great venue”
What next? Advert breaks! It’s currently half time, and we are at an ad break, we’ve just had 45 minutes of uninterrupted play. No way?! Yes güey, Tsss… Another winner for for Champions League. Do you know what? In a minute they’re going to cut to the studio, talk about the game (I bet it’s Gareth Southgate), then another one ad break and yes – back to the game for another 45 minutes!
The commentators :
- Adrain Chiles – oh my god he’s proper grey now!
- Roy Keane – from Ireland, because he’s had a lot of international experience
- Some Random – we don’t know who he is, he used to be in Match of the Day on BBC
- Gareth Southgate – Ex-Aston Villa defender, famous for missing a penalty against Germany at Euro ’96. Germany, seriously if there’s one team we hate the most it’s Germany (and France)…
Another advert break singing “the Chaaaaaaampiooooooons”. Yes. Some discussion about the new X-Box…
Playing again now, and the diet coke is sobering me up. Daniel doesn’t want to play the Champion’s League Final Drinking Game, despite there being two Hoegaarden in the fridge. We actually saw two Dortmund fans at the train station today, clearly waiting for the train down, because the Chiltern does stop at Wembley. Boooo Angela Merkel. She doesn’t really look that interested there.
It’s Germany, why are they falling over like stupid Ronaldo? And Drogba (even worse)? I bet even Jo Flacco doesn’t even fall over on purpose and the tiniest touch, Superbowl wins this one.
Dortmund 0 – 1 Bayern. Bastards, we want Dortmund to win. They last won in Europe in 1997, Munich won in 2001. Maybe it’s that couple I saw earlier, or that Dortmund play in yellow, or that they are a true community club that love their supporters, I would just rather Dortmund won.
How many names can you laugh at in the Superbowl? Here we have Bender (no explanation necessary), Schweinsteiger (shouted in a proper 1940s German voice), Piszczech (piss check), Mueller (yoghurts) and of course, Subotic – pronounced Sugar Tits.
Ok, so, I didn’t go to sleep at half-time, I stayed up until 02h30, I was just worried about being rubbish at work the next day.
So here is Beyoncé, touting her trade. Not really, she was good, I enjoyed the show and looks like the fans did too. She was a bit dirty though, high heels and a dominatrix style costume with an ounce of lace at the back – I guess to add a touch of old-fashioned femininity. I liked the outfit.
I did not like the moves. Given that it’s a family viewing prime-time slot, I think she could have toned it down a bit. But maybe she’d lose her style, maybe it was a compromise. She did a set where she danced with herself in computer graphics which was quite impressive, and of course, All The Single Ladies!
Then Kelly Rowland came out, we like Kelly Rowland, we liked her on X-Factor, she was like the voice of reason in the middle of Tulisa. Reuniting Destiny’s Child might not be purely Beyoncé’s doing, but I think it was a good call in what was essentially a bit of a dirty set, which in the stands you probably couldn’t see too closely.
As they said on Sky, they’ve played safe since the Janet Jackson incident, going for classic all-American acts, so this was probably a bit of a risk. As my first proper Super Bowl, I thought there would be more acts, like Beyoncé being the headliner.
Anyway, then the lights went out! They just stood around for ages, about half an hour – well the players stretched and we toyed with the idea of going to bed. The Ravens were getting proper annoyed, with good reason, because the 49ers came back and smashed it. They didn’t win, but it was damn close. They made an amazing comeback, with more touchdowns to lose 34-31. So close!
So, the Ravens, the joke-team in my opinion – won, again! And Ray Lewis, as much as I don’t like him for off-field behaviour, he looks well happy here! The Ravens are still bastards though. I think we nearly hate them more than the Patriots.